So This Is What The End Looks Like
by messy heart
Summary: Freddie Benson does not know how to be in a relationship. Post-iLove You.


**AN: **A short iLove You review at the end of the fic if you're interested in reading my thoughts on the episode.

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**So This Is What The End Looks Like**

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Here's the thing: Freddie Benson does not know how to be in a relationship.

.

When he asks her if it's mutual, he's praying that she says that it isn't and that what they have isn't just some sort of weird chemistry. He wants for her to give him that teasing smile that he's grown accustomed to, grab his hand and pull him close. But she doesn't. So maybe... this is really what she wants. And if it is, then he's going to give it to her.

The second she moves away, he has to take a moment and close his eyes as the beginnings of heartache wash over him.

.

'I love you.'

'I love you, too.'

But words can't fix everything. Even when you mean them.

.

Midnight comes and goes and one last kiss is all she leaves him with. He's nice enough to let her hold onto his heart for a little while longer. He wouldn't know what to do with it anyway.

.

Then Monday comes and he finds that he constantly has to stuff his hands in his pockets to keep from reaching for her. It does not help at all that his palms itch whenever she's near.

.

It takes a couple weeks of analyzing every single factor of their relationship to figure out what went wrong.

Sam Puckett knows relationships about as much as he does.

.

He's eventually allowed back into the Training Bros again, but somehow it just isn't as enjoyable as it once was.

.

Immediately after the break up, Carly announces that she's going to stay out of it. Freddie can't help but notice the irony in her statement seeing as how Carly had inadvertently caused the break, but he's still bitter so he's going to be talking out his ass a lot for a while.

.

Is anyone else sick of Gibby saying 'Gibbeh?' all the freaking time?

.

It happens, weirdly enough, exactly a month after they've broken up. He's on his way to his AP Lit class when a pair of hands land on his shoulders, gripping his shirt tightly along with his flesh and pulling him into the janitor's closet.

'Oh this is cozy,' he comments as he blinks in the dark.

The unmistakable weight of Sam's hand lands on his chest and he groans respectfully. 'Not funny, Benson,' she mutters.

And then she kisses him.

.

'What? I miss kissing. Shut up.'

.

'Wait. Kissing _me_ or just kissing in general?'

'Shut _up_.'

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Months. Yes. Months. They do this for months. Months of stolen kisses and hidden touches. But it evolves somehow. It's not just the cliche janitor's closet at school. It's not just when well-timed moment when they're alone in the studio. Sometimes, they catch a movie together and even more often, when his mother has something particularly heinous on the menu, he asks her sneak out with him to get a decent meal. _Of course_ he always pays. He's Freddie Benson and she's Sam Puckett. The universe would except nothing less.

.

'What are we doing?'

'Kissing, nub. We're kissing. Which was what we were doing yesterday? And the day before that? Maybe you hit your head too hard when I pushed you against the wall.'

'No, I mean... What are we _doing_?'

'You wanna kiss or you wanna not kiss?'

.

'I wanna talk.'

'Talking is not an option. Sorry.'

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Gibby comes up to him one day. That's okay. He doesn't quite find his tall friend as annoying as he used to. Except Gibby has a nauseatingly chiz-eating grin on his face and almost instantly Freddie knows that Gibby knows. And if Gibby knows, it's only a matter of time before everyone else knows.

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Sam starts avoiding him that same day. His suspicions are confirmed.

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'When were you guys going to tell me that you were sneaking around? I mean, seriously, Freddie. I thought we agreed on no secrets?'

He ignores Carly and retreats to his apartment, empty of ex-girlfriends and nosy friends.

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'We need to talk.'

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It's a couple of weeks of Sam ignoring him when he realizes that they can never be friends. At least not the kind of friends that he is with Carly. You know. A normal friendship. It's either they be less than friends or more. There's just no in-between for them.

And Freddie doesn't want less.

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'Talking ruins things.'

'Yeah, well, not talking hasn't been doing us any favors either.'

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He literally runs into her in the eighth floor corridor of Bushwell Plaza. She's rounding the corner as he walks out of his apartment. They crash and they fall and it's Sam who starts laughing first and it's so contagious that he has no choice but to laugh along.

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'I miss you.'

'I miss you, too.'

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They start again. The stolen kisses and hidden touches. They go out to dinner and movies and it's like a date, he thinks. But it's not, she'll argue.

He always lets her win that argument.

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Sometimes, on a clear night they'll go to the roof and he'll bring a telescope and they take turns looking at the stars. She thinks it's pretty fantastic and he thinks _this_ is what they should have done together instead of going to that stupid Training Bros meeting.

He declined the invitation to join the club again, if anyone's wondering.

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One day, he waits by her locker, one hand holding one red rose and the other carrying a box of chocolate-covered bacon. The second she sees him, her eyes go wide and dart around the hallway probably looking for a quick escape. He kind of knew that this would happen but he stays where he is, hoping that she makes the right choice.

Some sort of resolve flashes across her face as she stomps toward him, hands balled into angry fists.

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'We need to talk.'

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The thing is... Freddie Benson loves Sam Puckett and Sam Puckett loves Freddie Benson.

_Of course_ things are going to be complicated.

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They're sitting on the curb outside school and she's tearing her way through the box of chocolate and pork product goodness while yelling at him and repeatedly asking him what he was thinking.

And he's just sitting there beside her, grinning like an idiot, thinking that this is who they are. Who they're supposed to be.

.

'I love you.'

'Okay.'

'And you love me.'

'Sure.'

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They've been going out for a year without knowing it. Sure, he probably could have thought of a better anniversary gift but he didn't want to run the risk of buying the volatile Sam an expensive gift. Or something heavy that she could have thrown at his head.

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'So that's what we've been doing?'

'Yup.'

'Why didn't you tell me?'

'You didn't want to talk!'

.

It lasts far longer than anyone ever thought it would.

In fact... it never ends.

...

**Author's Note:**

I haven't really been writing fanfic since the last update of Anthems, except for a Victorious one-shot but that's it. What can I say? I was lacking inspiration.

The new iCarly episodes came and meh. I'm sorry but I didn't particularly like the treatment of their relationship on the show. It actually kinda make me _not_ like Seddie. I wish Dan and the iCarly writers didn't feel like they had to do it that way. They made me feel uncomfortable watching Sam and Freddie with all the PDA and the 'aww, baby' stuff. So a part of me was actually kind of relieved that they broke up and that breakup scene was so beautiful and well-executed that it felt like the _only_ honest moment between the two of them over the past few episodes.

Which is why I wrote this because while I am relieved, it doesn't mean that I wasn't saddened by it. I just think that two many people involved themselves in the relationship and that Sam and Freddie began to act the way they think people should act when they're in a relationship instead of just being themselves. I don't blame them. There was a lot at stake: their own friendship, their friendship with Carly, iCarly.

I'm hoping that them breaking up now will pave the way to a better relationship for the two in the future. Bwah. Maybe my fic iDon't Know Why I Say Goodbye will be canon! Except for the R-rated stuff, of course. But until then Imma just wait around here writing stories.

And they _will_ get back together. My spidey senses tell me so.

Anyway, I will be updating all chaptered stories within the next two weeks plus uploading a couple of one-shots that I began a while back but only recently finished. So yeah. I'm back!

Songs: Maps by Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Settle Down by Kimbra, Ageless Beauty by Stars


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